This is my story which is many months old now. An office colleague and me were not exactly on great talking terms because of a few situations during the course of our work had not gone as expected. In our heads, we held the other one responsible without overtly blaming each other. This situation encouraged us to create perceptions about each other. Perceptions, which we kept carrying along with us silently for few weeks. Slowly, we were building layers of reasons and reinforcing our own perceptions as time passed by. As a result, there was a feeling of awkwardness whenever we dealt with each other. These perceptions (read, opinions) were not really helping both of us in having a healthy working relationship. Honestly, both of us did not really attempt to clear the air by openly talking to each other. Either it was an ego issue or both felt that the perceptions we held about each other was the ultimate truth. Weeks turned into months but no one budged.
Our boss finally sensed this animosity developing between us and decided enough was enough. He decided to bring this out in the open in a subtle way. So, in of our meetings, he decided to engage the entire team in a no holds barred discussion. We all got occupied in discussing, debating and brain storming on various ideas and initiatives for future. One of the problem areas identified by the team was that all of us had a tendency to work in silos. No one had a clue of the developments in each others work areas. This was not at all favorable for the growth of the team and organization and something had to be done about it. My boss announced that we will introduce a "buddy program" experiment where each of us will shadow the other like in a chain. For eg. A becomes a buddy to B, C becomes a buddy to D and so on. And as a buddy we would need to know what's happening in each others work areas. Be there for each other and also provide feedback and solutions from a 'outsiders' perspective. It all sounded very good to us and we all agreed to be a part of this experiment. As luck would have it, our boss made me and my 'dear' colleague as buddies of each other.
May be it was preplanned, I don't know. But given the past, it was not going to be easy for both of us.
All said and done we both committed to make it work.
Its now almost 3 months since we started this 'buddy program' experiment. I am happy to say that not only do we have a better working relationship today but I have also realized that the perceptions I held about him were somewhat wrong (and likewise, he about me). The animosity has completely vanished and given way for respect for each others work.
Well, it wasn't really that easy as it sounds. The coldness and aloofness of the first weeks gradually thawed which led to a few arguments and discussions in the following weeks. Then, we realized how wrong we were. We were so caught up in our own stories that we kept reinstating and strengthening our long withheld judgements as we went along. But by opening up through the 'buddy program" experiment, we started seeing things from each others point of view. We finally realized the truth and that was, we were wrong and unfair to each other.
The deep seated perceptions have now been pulled out at their roots and given way to a new perspective which is positive and healthier.
In a nutshell, we all carry perceptions in our heads about people, places, ideas based on our few experiences and observations. We keep making them 'stronger and truer' by feeding it with new reasons. And then, it becomes so deep rooted that it becomes a reality....our reality. And that's the story we love to carry in our heads for the rest of our life. And by doing so, we tend to lose a lot. Believe me, a lot!
So don't hold to your perceptions so tight as they are only YOUR stories and YOUR reality, the ground reality could be totally different.
Be open, give a chance and have a mindset which is open to new possibilities and new beginnings. That's how we can truly grow as human beings.
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