Day 25 - A to Z of love

 

We are in the middle of February and its the season to celebrate, declare, reinforce, remember, redeem, cherish, rekindle...what else but love! At the cost of sounding cliched, this feeling of love is truly in the air and all pervasive around the 14th of February. Whether one believes in Valentine's Day or not, the marketing blitzkrieg ensures that all of us are a part of this silly charade willy-nilly. But hey, who's complaining!


Whether its our parents, sister/brother, spouse, daughter/son, friend, neighbor or colleague the recipe for any  successful relationship remains the same, albeit with varying measures. Here is my list of those ingredients for making the sweet rich concoction of a strong healthy relationship.

Presenting my A to Z list that makes the essence of my relationships richer, fulfilling and long lasting.

A- Appreciate, what the relationship has to offer and Acceptance
B- Being yourself
C- Commitment
D- Devotion
E- Expressing openly
F- Freedom
G- Give and take, the cardinal rule of any relationship
H- Honesty
I - Independent yet with a sense of belonging
J - Just and balance in responsibilities
K - Keeping the faith and having patience
L - Lively
M - Meaningful interactions
N - Never taking for granted
O - Open and transparent.
P - Passion

Q - Quietude

R - Respect for each other
S - Stimulating
T - Trustworthy
U - Unrequited
V - Veritable
W - Willingness to make it happen
X - X Factor (for lack of relevant words starting with X :))
Y - Being Young at heart
Z - Zealous

All said and done, I must confess that the above is a wish list and I continue to work on many aspects to make my relationships stronger and healthier. Its always work in progress and I guess we just need to keep working hard at it.


I am sure you too may have your own ingredients or the A to Z list for your relationships. Whatever the recipe, let us celebrate the feeling of love and cherish what we have with and within us, all through the year and our lifetime. Not just on Valentine's Day.


Love & Peace,
xoxo

Day 24 - What a woodpecker and soldier ants taught me?

I stay in Goregaon, a part of the western suburbs situated just a few kilometers away from Sanjay Gandhi National Park aka Borivali National Park. On Sundays, the park seems even more close considering there is no traffic on the road (and which many Mumbaikars will endorse). But in spite of the close distance, I hate to admit that I have been to the National Park only once before. It is supposed to be the largest park in the world, located within city limits and truly a place to be visited many times over. But today was just my second visit to these sylvan surroundings. Such a shame!

A walk through the Shilonda trail inside the National Park was what the e-brochure of Bombay Natural History Society (BNHS) enticed me with its foliage of words. And so here I was, on a chilly morning in February, ready to bathe in the serenity of the green expanse and soak in the knowledge, the birds and the bees (pun unintended) had to offer. The brochure had mentioned that the trail is about 15 minutes walk from the main gate of the National Park and so it was. Typically, this trail is out of bounds for general visitors unless they have permission. Its accessible only through naturist clubs like the Bombay Natural History Society (BNHS) and NIC etc. And that's exactly what excited me even more. I prefer quieter locations such as these where one can enjoy nature at peace, away from the din of the picnickers and the clamor of motley crowd. Its so unbelievably peaceful that its difficult to believe that this is the same noisy Mumbai just a few meters away.
The trail itself runs for about 2 km into the jungle up to a stream. The dense growth of deciduous trees mixed with the bamboo groves provide an elusive tranquil all through the walk in the woods.  The vast variety of birds, insects, butterflies add their own beauty which is a visual treat and a welcome respite. For any Mumbaikar this is truly the right place to relax, find solace and their true self. Neither a biologist, ornithologist nor an entomologist I am but a Sunday ensconced in the lap of mother nature was just the kind of getaway my frayed nerves were seeking for.

There were myriad of tidbits we heard all through this trail. But there was one fascinating fact, Mr. Jagdish Vakale, Naturalist at NIC and our guide recounted to the group that has still not left me.

He told us the intriguing fact about a bird and colony of ants. The ants are popularly called as soldier ants and crematogaster by the entomologists. They use dry leaves, their saliva and mud to build a robust nest for its colony. This nest resembles a Pagoda and hence gets its name as Pagoda Ants nest. This nest is almost impregnable to any species as these ants are known to be fierce and attacking and also the nest is as hard as a card board. However, there is  one bird in spite of these challenges actually considers this nest as its home and stays inside it along with the colony of ants. The bird is known as Rufus Wood pecker. This bird secretes a chemical, pheromone. And this is the same pheromone which the soldier ants also secrete and makes them think that the bird is part of its own family. So, in spite of Rufus Woodpecker not being an ant or an insect but a totally different species, the soldier ant allows it to stay in its well built nest.
Rufus Woodpecker on the other hand just does not stay there like a ghar jamai but it in turn   provides food to the ants. All the tidbits and insects it collects and hunts for its family does not get consumed completely. The babies eat a little and litter the nest with crumbs. This leftover is then eaten by the soldier ants. Thus saving the ants the energy to go out and hunt for food.

An incredible example of give and take between completely different species at work here. It shows how 2 different types, completely unlike each other, by helping one another in a symbiotic relationship can live together peacefully and graciously.

For me its a wonderful lesson which nature has provided! We as humans and considered as the most evolved species on earth can take a big leaf out of the Pagoda Ant's nest. I am sure there will always be differences and contrasts between each of us in the way we think, live, eat, drink, communicate, behave and function. However, its up to us to find out how we can use these differences to learn from other, respect each other, give and take and live in harmony and peace. On the occasion of Valentine's Day, a beautiful insight from nature on how to have beautiful and meaningful relationships.

Day 23 - When you find inspiration in most unusual places

I am returning from a short 1 day official trip to Bangalore. I was there to attend a focused group discussion. The objective of this group discussion was to help us outline a marketing strategy for one of our organization's project management certifications. It was an intense and fruitful discussion and we are hoping it will throw some light on our future course of action.
I am sitting in the plane at this moment, heading back to Mumbai. But what is consuming my thoughts right now is not what should be my next course of action (read, marketing strategy). Its the cab driver who has just dropped me off at the airport. Iqbal is the cab driver and this is not the first time he has dropped me off at the airport.
Every time my Bangalore visit gets confirmed, the next call goes to Iqbal for confirming the airport pick up. Its not just me, but all my colleagues traveling to Bangalore make use of his taxi services. I have been with PMI now for the last 3 and half years and every time me or my colleagues have flown to Bangalore, its always Iqbal's taxi. So much so that even Ashish (my hubby) and Aparna (my sis) have used his services for their local travels in Bangalore. They have also been happy with his services and further referred him to their peers and colleagues.
Now you may wonder, what's so special about this Iqbal? Why is he so popular and sought after? Let me answer that for you.
First, he is always punctual and reliable - he will always shows up on time, come hell or high water. Second, he is very resourceful - he will always find a way out of the maddening Bangalore traffic and drop you at the airport in time, even when you expected to miss your flight. Never have I or my colleagues missed a flight from Bangalore. Last but not least, he is extremely courteous and respectful. He always has a kind word to say. All these 3 characteristics have not only made him popular with with us but also helped his business grow through referrals as you can see.

Three years back, he used to work as a driver with Meru, the taxi fleet service. The next time when I met him, he had quit Meru and had started his own Taxi service with a brand new Logan. Later, the following year he had purchased a second Logan, which was being driven by his brother.
And this time when I met him, he had even better news. I heard him express that he was getting tired and stressed driving around the busy roads of Bangalore. He had plans to give up the taxi business in the next 3-4 years.
Cooking had been his life long passion and so he had plans to start a catering business soon after that. He said he was just waiting for his children to complete their education so he could then hang up his driver's boots forever and proudly don the chef's hat. A scene he had been dreaming off for very long.

Having seen him on all my intermittent visits to Bangalore, he had truly come a long way in a short span of time. His future plans did impress me and I am sure that just like his taxi business has gone places, his catering business would also sell like hot cakes. I can only imagine his mouth watering signature dishes getting word of mouth publicity all across the Silicon valley of India and beyond.

So, here I am sitting in the flight and thinking about Iqbal, who has been not just our typical 'go to' cab driver in Bangalore but a very successful marketeer too. He has through referrals and word of mouth marketing, not just built a successful business for himself but successfully planned for an early retirement to follow his lifelong passion.
All I can say is, one doesn't always need focused group discussions, market surveys and reams of research material to provide you key insights. We can indeed find them in the most unusual places.

Thank you Iqbal and wishing you Godspeed for your future plans!!!

Day 22 - Our perceptions are not always ground reality!

This is my story which is many months old now. An office colleague and me were not exactly on great talking terms because of a few situations during the course of our work had not gone as expected. In our heads, we held the other one responsible without overtly blaming each other. This situation encouraged us to create perceptions about each other. Perceptions, which we kept carrying along with us silently for few weeks. Slowly, we were building layers of reasons and reinforcing our own perceptions as time passed by. As a result, there was a feeling of awkwardness whenever we dealt with each other. These perceptions (read, opinions) were not really helping both of us in having a healthy working relationship. Honestly, both of us did not really attempt to clear the air by openly talking to each other. Either it was an ego issue or both felt that the perceptions we held about each other was the ultimate truth. Weeks turned into months but no one budged.
Our boss finally sensed this animosity developing between us and decided enough was enough. He decided to bring this out in the open in a subtle way. So, in of our meetings, he decided to engage the entire team in a no holds barred discussion. We all got occupied in discussing, debating and brain storming on various ideas and initiatives for future. One of the problem areas identified by the team was that all of us had a tendency to work in silos. No one had a clue of the developments in each others work areas. This was not at all favorable for the growth of the team and organization and something had to be done about it. My boss announced that we will introduce a "buddy program" experiment where each of us will shadow the other like in a chain. For eg. A becomes a buddy to B, C becomes a buddy to D and so on. And as a buddy we would need to know what's happening in each others work areas. Be there for each other and also provide feedback and solutions from a 'outsiders' perspective. It all sounded very good to us and we all agreed to be a part of this experiment. As luck would have it, our boss made me and my 'dear' colleague as buddies of each other.
May be it was preplanned, I don't know. But given the past, it was not going to be easy for both of us.
All said and done we both committed to make it work.

Its now almost 3 months since we started this 'buddy program' experiment. I am happy to say that not only do we have a better working relationship today but I have also realized that the perceptions I held about him were somewhat wrong (and likewise, he about me). The animosity has completely vanished and given way for respect for each others work.
Well, it wasn't really that easy as it sounds. The coldness and aloofness of the first weeks gradually thawed which led to a few arguments and discussions in the following weeks. Then, we realized how wrong we were. We were so caught up in our own stories that we kept reinstating and strengthening our long withheld judgements as we went along. But by opening up through the 'buddy program" experiment, we started seeing things from each others point of view. We finally realized the truth and that was, we were wrong and unfair to each other.
The deep seated perceptions have now been pulled out at their roots and given way to a new   perspective which is positive and healthier.

In a nutshell, we all carry perceptions in our heads about people, places, ideas based on our few experiences and observations. We keep making them 'stronger and truer' by feeding it with new reasons. And then, it becomes so deep rooted that it becomes a reality....our reality. And that's the story we love to carry in our heads for the rest of our life. And by doing so, we tend to lose a lot. Believe me, a lot!
So don't hold to your perceptions so tight as they are only YOUR stories and YOUR reality, the ground reality could be totally different.
Be open, give a chance and have a mindset which is open to new possibilities and new beginnings. That's how we can truly grow as human beings.

Day 21 - When today becomes the yesterday and tomorrow that never comes.

We are now almost nearing the end of January and it's that time of the year when most of us are already busy writing epitaphs of our new year resolutions. The time of the year when 'what could have been this year' becomes 'same time next year'.
As a veteran in this category I have stopped drawing up any new resolutions and even if I do, I have stopped committing overtly. In fact, I have been more a silent observer of the goings on and at best non-committal as far as new year resolutions go.
But, as a subject it continues to fascinate me. Because nothing provides hope for the 'new you' like these resolutions do. Adrenaline and josh is at its highest peak amongst all of us during this period. And no prizes for guessing which are the most common resolutions.
1. Lose weight 2. Start exercising 3. Eat healthy.
Aah, sounds familiar, right!
Some time last week over lunch, my colleagues and me were discussing about what else but resolutions. I was mum as I being an old-timer in this category didn't want to play the wet blanket to the much hopeful novices.
What I didn't know was that there was one more veteran in the group sitting with us. That too more seasoned than me. She very plainly and openly declared, 'I had promised myself two years back that I will start my walks every evening only when I move in to my new home which has a garden. Now, its been almost 1 year since I have moved in and I have not even stepped on that green grass, forget taking a brisk walk on it.' Further she added, 'Since exercising obviously doesn't seem a desirable option to me, I will henceforth focus on eating right. So now, I will wait till I can afford another house which would be closer to a vegetable market.'
After a long pause and when no one knew how to react to her statement, she let out a chuckle and added, 'Of course I was joking about the last bit, guys'. And then the discussion ended in peals of laughter with more stories around resolutions and  how to break them.
However, the point I want to make here is different.

The villain of the piece are the big fat stupid excuses. The excuses we constantly give, to justify our noncompliance. Excuses for not keeping our word.
"Today I have slept late so I think its ok if I wake up late tomorrow and skip my exercise."
"Today I am feeling very tired. I think I will start with my brisk walk tomorrow not today."
"Oh, its so dark and cold today morning, I won't go to the gym now, I will go in the evening."


And the list goes on. The excuses don't stop and the tomorrow never comes. The above may just sound familiar to you as we all go through it at one point or another.
But hey, not those who are truly disciplined and committed. For them. excuses are absolutely unacceptable. In fact, they don't even exist in their dictionary.
This rare group will always find some ways and means to ensure that they stick to their plan. They are the ones who keep their word and do what they said they will.
And because of that they command respect, elicit trust and integrity and also show a sense of personal power which few of us can be proud of.
Here's a toast to those special people who make new year resolutions and make them work all through the year and longer.

Day 20 - Everything happens for a reason!

Every morning I check my weight on the weighing balance. Its a compulsive habit. Even though the news is mostly never heartwarming, its my way to keep myself away from over indulgence ...or so I tell myself. Ashish has seen my expressions when I am alighting from my 'mean' machine. And, the expressions have always been the same. Its a long face followed by an even longer sigh. So he can't figure out, why I even put myself through this torture on a daily basis. Only on few rare occasions, has he seen a satisfied smile or a silly grin. So today, when he saw me jumping with joy and pumping my fists in the air, he knew it. That 'mean' machine had, on this extraordinary occasion been kind to his wife. It was actually showing me a loss of 2 kilograms which was totally unprecedented.
Well, this was indeed great. I was happy and so was Ashish...for me! I heard him murmur something like "Finally..." under his breath as he walked past me.
But this story is not going to be about my tumultuous relationship with my weighing machine nor my weight loss tamasha. Today's story has a little background to it. So I flash back to 10 days when my maid announced her 3 week annual leave to me. I had seen the writing on the wall as this is usually the time she decides to go on her pilgrimage. She has been doing this for the past 7 odd years since she has been working with us. I should have known, it was coming. However, like all bad news I didn't want to accept this imminent fact and denied it will ever happen. But happened it did, more earlier than I expected.
Shobha, is not just a maid for me, but a Woman Friday...to Thursday, if I can say so. She cooks, cleans, washes, dusts, waters the plants and every other possible chore my lazy muscle would not want to do. So when she goes on leave, you can only imagine my helplessness. My entire schedule turns upside down and I become a zombie. In spite of the support I get from my close family members, life is never smooth when Shobha is not around. So this time as well, I could only imagine what was in store for me for the next 3 weeks.
After the initial denial, shock and then acceptance, I decided to take matters and the whole house in my hand. Whether it was dusting, washing utensils or cooking I was going to survive in spite of it all, my inner voice declared fearlessly. And all this without it affecting my office work, I boldly promised myself. With the support from my dear hubby, I knew I could take on my unwieldy, demanding domestic world like the brave Luke Skywalker did against the Galactic Empire.

Coming back to present, its been almost 2 weeks since she left and believe me, I have managed well so far. I feel like one of the contestants of the Survivor series who has made the cut, unbruised and undeterred. Besides the fact that I have 'gained' from my weight loss, I have also uncovered a highly energetic and a fastidiousness me, who was waiting to be discovered. This side of my self
would have been 'sitting on the bench' if not for this situation. What could have been a 3 week tumultuous 'domestic issue' has suddenly turned on its head as if in a Sirshaasan pose (headstand pose in Yoga) drawing out the best in me.

To sum it all, everything happens for a reason. And mostly the reason is always for a better you!

The problem is, we don't have patience to endure and enjoy the long arduous journey which may at the end of it all, just turn around with a gift you will treasure for life.

What I have provided, is just a peek into a simple, daily life situation which all of us go through. There are many more tough, demanding, challenging and even life threatening situations we may have to go through in life. But if we take them head on and understand that there is only one reason for they being there...and that only reason is for our own good and also for a better you, then life would be so liberating and free from any tensions and fear.

Here is one video which I found on TED, I saw and opened my eyes to a totally new perspective.

http://www.ted.com/talks/stacey_kramer_the_best_gift_i_ever_survived.html

Day 19 - 3 Ps - Performance, Packaging and Promotions

Performance, Packaging and Promotions - 3 Ps according to me, have become the most essential aspects of our life today- more so professional and public lives. Each of these are crucial tiers which we have to pay attention to, focus our energies on and put efforts into, in order to be successful in today's professional life.

Content (read, performance) was for a long time the only important aspect but things have changed, and more dramatically so in recent times.
To give you a simple example, in today's world, as an employee of an 'X' organization, not only one has to exceed given targets (i.e. perform well) but also ensure that the efforts put in are also packaged well. Packaged in a way that the organization sits up and takes notice of it, realizes and appreciates the labor that has gone into it. Silently toying away is a thing of the past.

And in instances when you exceed their expectations, you must also 'talk' about it (be your own PR machinery). So that the entire eco-system, (not limited to your boss) which includes your colleagues, sub-ordinates, senior members, staff from other divisions etc. must all become aware of your achievements and triumphs.

There are still some who focus only on the first 'P' (Performance) and sorely lack in the other 2 Ps (Packaging and Promotions).  'Why should I talk about my achievements, isn't that bragging? I would rather have my work speak for itself.' That's the thought process they believe in.
Nothing bad about it at all.
But my friend, in today's fast paced, chaotic, short sighted world which also has people with short term memories, it has become essential to break through this clutter by singing our own song and blowing our own trumpet.


To reinforce this thought further, I will share an incident which happened today.
On my way to office, I was reading the newspaper and passively listening to the radio and my favourite morning RJ, Jituraj. As usual, he was talking in a feverish pitch about the happenings in the city, the new films, their songs and reviews, some social causes and then suddenly he veered to the subject of Marathi Theatre. He said something that really stuck with me through the day.

He was recounting how, since time immemorial, Marathi Theatre has been offering the most critically acclaimed plays, best performances and directors, original stories and award winning actors/actresses to its discerning audience. Unfortunately, it has not got the deserved adulation and status which it should command and its stagnating today. Those who follow theater passionately, will surely understand its predicament.

Then he spoke about, how in spite of its diminishing stature, its zealous audience continues to throng the theaters for a 3pm show even on a Monday afternoon and make it a 'House Full'. This passion reflects the love they have for the content and performances of the talented powerhouses that embody Marathi Theater.

Imagine how big these guys (Marathi Theater producers) would have been if they were strong in their Packaging and Promotions department as well. Probably would have given all other formats a run for their money. Sadly, the ilk of Marathi Theater producers, directors and writers belong to the small surviving group which focuses purely on 'Performance' and ignores the other 2 Ps. They don't understand that in order to reach the heights it is worthy of and become even bigger, they need to change their own mindset. A mindset which caters to the 'new' needs to bring in younger audiences to theaters. And in addition, shout out from roof tops about the brilliant art that they have to offer to them.

He concluded that its time the Marathi Theater industry realizes what they lack for promoting their art. Otherwise, its definitely curtains down for them. And that will be a sad day.

In line with what Jituraj was saying, there are many such examples in India and amongst them are our historical monuments. These ancient shrines and landmark locations are several centuries old and soaked in rich history and heritage. They could make fantastic tourist destinations but sadly are left in ruins without much maintenance and beautification. The infrastructure surrounding these remarkable sites is so under developed that you can only feel pity for ourselves. Not to mention, they are severely under promoted as well.
And why just monuments, take the case of eateries like Merwan's (Irani restaurant) who for decades has been serving yummy  mava cakes to foodies across generations. But now, because of not being able to reinvent itself and promote to the younger clientele, its going to be shutters down from March for Merwan's. For its multitude of old fans, it will be the end of the mava cake era.

In a nutshell, it will be safe to conclude that its not just enough to deliver a great performance but it's also important to write your own advertisement and promote it to the right audience as well. Otherwise, you may just remain a great piece of living being which no one else either saw, heard or met.